Be sure to mind your body language
Gender and culture play a role in how people react to your movements
By Robin A. Edgar
Special to the Charlotte Observer
Monday, November 17, 2003
"I found myself leaning forward several times during the interview," said Cynthia McLaughlin, manager at W.R.Grace.
The interview was for an executive position she really wanted, and she was disappointed that she did not get it. "I must have appeared too anxious," she said.
Although leaning forward can be an assertive posture, in McLaughlin's case, she may have invaded the interviewer's personal space. This nonverbal signal, when used by a woman, is often interpreted as being overly aggressive.
All too often, otherwise qualified people fail to land jobs because their body language telegraphs negative traits. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying."

For good or ill, body language can convey differnet messages depending on gender and culture. Indeed, body language communicates who you are more that words you say. "Nonverbal elements account for at least 50 to 90 percent of the meaning receivers take from a given message," says Barbara Bates in her book, "Sex, Gender, and Communication."

In the workplace, nonverbal communication cues center on power.
What you wear is often the first nonverbal message you telegraph, hence the blue "power suit" for men. Although strict dress codes have relaxed for women in corporate America, businesswomen still need to convey the image that they are in control.

They can wear brighter colors and jewelry that emulate who they are, but they do not want everyone in the boardroom staring at a plunging neckline instead of listening to what they have to say.

The signals you send through posture, or the way you carry yourself, also can be very different for men and women. Although leaning forward with hands on hips is a power stance for men, it is often interpreted as belligerent when assumed by a woman. Both sexes should be conscious of someone's personal space, which is about 3 to 6 feet for Americans. Invading this "bubble" puts the other person on the defensive. And, when someone leans too far forward towards the opposite sex, it can be interpreted as flirting.

Although it is the oldest, most trusted language in the world, body language can get you in trouble when doing business with other cultures - particularly when it comes to gestures. Making a circle with the index finger and thumb is the American symbol for "a-okay," but in Latin American countries it is a great insult. In France and Japan this gesture means "worthless" or "zero." The thumbs up sign, used so frequently in our culture to mean "good going," is the equivalent of flipping someone the middle finger in Islamic countries. Even the way we beckon someone changes from country to country. Summoning a waiter with your index finger in Asia or Latin America is so insulting, they are less likely to return to your table because this gesture is primarily used to call an animal.

With the variety of cultures, genders and age groups in today's workplace, how can you avoid committing the nonverbal faux pas? By observing and taking cues from how others use eye contact, personal space, facial expressions, and touch, you should be able to carry on business as usual.

Robin A. Edgar is a freelance writer who lives in Charlotte and teaches nonverbal communication for BodyTalk Associates.
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Successful Ways for Women to Communicate in the Workplace

• Smiling or laughing too much comes across as silly or girlish. Be congenial and laugh only at appropriate times.
• Slouching, hugging your chest or tilting your head makes you appear submissive. Good posture portrays a sense of personal power. To avoid tilting your head, back away from taller people.
• Distracting hand gestures such as twirling hair, fiddling with earrings or picking cuticles translates tenseness or uncertainty. Use gestures such as pointing and steepling to make a point.
• Although some cultures expect this of women, in the United States, avoiding eye contact invites interruption. Maintain frequent eye contact, looking away every few seconds.
• Leaning forward with hands on hips is a power stance for men. Women should not invade anyone's personal space or they appear overly aggressive.

Successful Ways for Men to Communicate in the Workplace

• Crossing your arms across your chest indicates resistance. Lean forward to show you are interested.
• Standing with your hands clasped in front of the crotch makes you appear insecure. When speaking before a group, your hands should remain loosely at your sides and only use gestures for emphasis.
• Avoid bone-crusher as well weak-wristed handshakes. To shake with sincerity, extend your hand, engage as far as the web between the thumb and index finger, clasp firmly, then release.
• Beware the pat on the back. It translates as patronizing and can even be taboo in some cultures.
• Putting your feet up on the desk translates as contempt for your visitor. In some cultures, revealing the sole of your foot is the ultimate insult.