In My Mother's Kitchen

In My Mother's Kitchen
An Introduction to the Healing Power or Reminiscence
by Robin A. Edgar
Published by Tree House Enterprises: 2003
The death of a mother is like no other loss. For good or ill, a mother's influence shapes and defines us. She is the center of all things. Her loss is irreplaceable. But there are ways to recapture the essence of the relationship and Robin Edgar provides us with a practical, yet heartwarming, method of bringing this vital bond back not only into memory, but into perspective.

Through short yet instructive vignettes, we come to know Ms. Edgar's mother, a hardworking seamstress from Queens who had clearly exercised a powerful influence on her daughter's life, but did it with wisdom, wit and a charm all her own. Each snapshot of this remarkable woman comes with a suggestion for a ritual, and short exercises to drive the point home.

One example that stands out is the scene in which customers come to the apartment for their alterations. If the friendship was open and longstanding, the pins she kept in her mouth came out to offer an opinion.
"That dress is not for you:' or "I'd return it and get my money back, if I were you."

If the customer was vain and not prone to listen, the pins stayed in her mouth and the work continued without the benefit of observation. As I read that, I thought of how many times we would all be better off if we knew when to keep the pins in our mouths.

There are so many small things that characterize a relationship. Robin Edgar shows us how important it is to understand that we truly remain connected in death, and that as long as we talk about them those connections remain alive not only in memory but in practice.

To remember is to heal... heal from the pain of loss... heal with a sense of hope for the future. For anyone who has known the grief of a mother's empty place at the table, this book is for you.